Meijer and the top 5

after years of observation, and a few days of thought, I've created my top 5 Meijer Associate Employment Choices:

5. cashier-yeah, don't be deceived by the "beauty" aspect of cashier employment: scan items, chit chat, talk on the phone, take money, and they don't have to walk around a whole lot. there is an "ugly" side: bagging, chit chatting with a Meijer crazy, union boss, and they don't get to walk around a whole lot. but I think the pay is good, at least better than jobs 6-10 that didn't even make the list.

4. tzar-again appearances can be deceiving. sure it looks like you rake in the BIG money just wandering around all day laughing on your Meijer issue cell phone, but what happens when the power goes out (been there, done that, twice) and the wheels of technological grocery-dom come screeching to a halt? that's right...firing squad for the tzar!

3. greeter-this would be my #2 winner if I was about 20 years older. I'm not quite mentally prepared for this mind numbing gig, but on the other hand you collect a paycheck for standing around and mumbling, "welcometoMeijer" or "thankyouforshoppingatMeijer."

2. stock-see now this appeals to me. as a stock person, you take up as much room as you want in an aisle, in frozen foods you get to wear gloves, you can whistle, talk on your phone, smile (or not) at customers, and often you are the hero, "oh thank you for bringing out a new case of frozen concentrate orange juice! I could only find the fresh stuff!"

1. Pat-this has to be it. the best job in the whole store. no, not being a genderless human, but being the eyes of Meijer, the law, the free spirit. you wander around the store seemingly engrossed by the ingredient list of butter, while stealthily watching the chronic "taster" pilfering the bin of bulk gummy bears.

as scary as the above top 5 are, the scariest is the possible reality that with this economy, my full-time mom status may switch to a full-time Pat status.

cue shivers...and empty your gummy bear filled pockets.