Saturday, December 09, 2017

Meijer and the Christmas cart outlier

CHRISTMAS UPDATE: so while Meijer still hasn't jingled-up their decor game, I am seeing evidence that my fellow Meijer customers are gettin' in the mood.

you know I have a strict "no perusing others' carts" policy, but during The Season, it's nearly impossible to not see the Christmas cheer tetris-ed into Meijer carts. 

dozens of carts, filled with multiple tubes of vertically splayed wrapping paper, bags and bags of multi-color sticker bows (inter-mingled with multi-packs of scotch tape), roam the Meijer superstore maze. 

the Christmas Ferrero Rocher hoarders' carts are the prettiest--love seeing the dazzling golden-foiled globes of chocolate and hazelnut--makes one almost forget the effects of sugar-induced diabetes. #almost 

of course, don't forget the carts stacked with boxes of Legos and Disney princess dolls, along with slim DVD cases filling in the gaps. all these carts SCREAM their Christmas mood.

so *overt eye-roll* obvious. 

and frankly, obvious isn't what I do. my blog tagline clearly states, 


"just a girl with a knack for observing the ridiculous.

so there I am, 20 items in my cart, looking for the shortest cashier line (my grocery count disqualifies me for the u-scan, curses!), resolved that today's Meijer experience will be ridiculous-free, when-- I happened upon this (☟) Christmas Cart...



I don't know about you, but when I see Gram-Grams & Pop-Pop's cart filled with 12 bottles of Pine-Sol, 10 cans of Maxwell House, 5 boxes each of Froot Loops and Frosted Flakes, along with 16 bags of Goldfish crackers, my brain whirrrrs into action, eager to explain the cart's nearly inexplicable Christmas riddle.

here's my brain's proof that this is a Christmas Cart, albeit an outlier... 

GG & PP are hosting Christmas this year. so naturally, Grams will vigorously scrub the entire house clean with her trusty 1957-era disinfectant/cleaner. after a good floor to ceiling wipe-down, she'll have 1 bottle left to add to the live Christmas tree's water basin--Gram-Gram's version of "aromatherapy."

the boxes of cereal and goldfish crackers definitely support the Christmas hosts theory. clearly their grandkids are coming and, even though the house will reek of Pine-Sol, GG & PP don't want to be known as the stodgy grandparents, so they purchased the "fun" cereal for breakfast, and the "modern" Goldfish crackers. 

the Maxwell House? GG & PP aren't stupid. they know all those carbs on the conveyer belt will keep their third generation Froot Loop inhalers bouncing off the squeaky-clean freshly Pine-scented walls, so they've wisely stocked up on caffeine--10 cans should be enough for Christmas weekend, right?

ho-ho-ho!

Wednesday, November 08, 2017

Meijer and the not-quite season

if you are lucky enough to live in NYC, you have access to a pretty amazing tradition; Christmas window displays. 

represented are the 3 Bs: BarneysBloomingdale's, and Bergdof Goodman. with of course, Saks, Macy's, Lord & Taylor's and... Tiffany's! *gasp + moan + jaw drop* 

these window displays are a year of prep--no, seriously. for these brilliant window designers and staff, Christmas season is all year long! #lucky

this is silly, and maybe even a little sad, but starting October 15th, I avoid the supersize-superstore for as long as possible. 

why?

because I have this yearly "Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus," hope that when the glass airlock doors whoosh open sometime in November, I will be greeted with a wintry-wonderland of whimsy, over the top make-over dedicated to the greatest season of the year, Christmas!

look, I'm an optimistic realist, so I keep my expectations in check. all I ask for is: 

1. a holiday season soundtrack featuring the greats: Bing Crosby & David Bowie's Little Drummer Boy, Frank Sinatra and fill-in-the-blank-artist, singing fill-in-the-blank-Christmas song, Nat King Cole singing any and every Christmas jingle, and Wham!'s Last Christmas, on loop over Meijer's sound system. 

2. a general upping of their game in the supersized-superstore departments (grocery, pharmacy, clothes, outdoor, pets, etc.). maybe fall somewhere between NYC's dripping grandeur, and the night Buddy the Elf prepped Gimbels for SANTA!!!

too much...? 

to ask?

apparently so, *resigned sighbecause this is what I discovered when I walked in to my midwest Meijer today... 



sure, I acknowledge the oversized cardboard "ornaments" hanging from the rafters, effort--but this is the entrance(!) for crying out loud! and by the way, the ornaments are hanging over the garbage bin, rake and leaf bag displays, with a side of punkin pie! #seasonmashupfail

I walked deeper into the store, came upon these beauties as I walked passed the plus-size women's department.


better, but is this all a I'm-so-in-the-Christmas-mood customer gets? 

I rallied on, maybe the west-side staff are die hard Thanksgiving fans. I cross my fingers, hoping the east-siders have got their Jingle game on. 

alas... produce department offered this conundrum, cavity/weight-gain culprit soda in the fresh fruit and veggies section? wha--?!

I rethink my incongruent criticism, I mean, what if this is it? what if this is the best Meijer has to offer me this year?! the sugar-bubblewater display does somewhat cleverly use the beloved Christmas colors, and has a "tree." (feels like cardboard is becoming a Meijer theme) I feel my Christmas cheer-o-meter sink. 

I walked all over the store, hoping against hope that other departments had more to offer. then it occurred to me, have I jumped the Christmas season store-display gun...? and then... proof.

empty shelves and a trolley of Lindt boxes waiting to be emptied. it's like I was just hours too early! *clenches fist, waves it at ceiling security cameras*

side note: "C  HRISTMAS"? I'm guessing whoever wrote this also wrote these signs

and that's when I knew. this isn't NYC. this isn't Saks--not even close. and it isn't time for Christmas (or even C hristmas), I was a victim of my own Christmas premature-adoration.  

but it's okay. it's all good. I won't let Meijer squelch my cheer, my seasonal smile, my goodwill to mankind. 

I have the perfect revenge reply to Meijer's slow-to-the-season, paltry decor. an act of Jingle Defiance, if you will, a way to get everyone to feel the Christmas spirit...



pah-rum-pum-pum-pum, baby.