Monday, September 26, 2016

Meijer and the earbud debacle

for years now, my excursions to Meijer have been solo. without toddlers, grocery shopping is now less harried (except on Saturdays). so I've tried to use/transform this alone time into something more... not "Zen-like" exactly, and not meaningful, but something... chill. yes, that's it, a more "you-do-you and I'll-do-me" experience.

here's the thing, I really like music, especially when I'm doing something as mind-numbing chill as grocery shopping. #myspotifyplaylistsarelit! 

for too long I relied on Meijer's Muzak speakers to provide me with my chill grocery soundtrack. their playlist is a hit-or-miss collection ranging from the 50's to 80's. once, I found out the hard way that the pharmacy's 65+ elderly clique have claimed exclusive dibs on Frank Sinatra. give a girl a break-- everyone knows You Make Me Feel So Young (from the movie ELF, duh!) #shunned #suddensoloact  

clearly, in no way is this Chronicler a genre-snob (I claim that knowing full well I have no playlists tilted "Country-Western"). my general policy is if it moves me or the lyrics are clever and/or pierce me to my core--and by "core" I mean my heart, not abs--chances are I'll like it, and may even risk public humiliation. *eye squints at collective elderly who threw shade at me and my Frank sing-a-long* 

earbuds are now my answer to chill achievement. not only can I listen to whatever I want--without "real" Frank Sinatra fans rudely turning down their hearing aids--I can dodge unwanted uber-crazy's interactions, Meijer credit card pushers and on occasion, I will let the rhythm move me. yeah, this guy + me = soulmates. 
I've never been caught on video (much too sly), but I have been caught. *gulping blush* 

it was very late at night, and a favorite song by BeyoncĂ© came on, Yonce. I looked left, then right; I was completely alone. I turned the volume waaaaay up, and started my jam. 

nothing too crazy... at first. before I knew it, I was channeling Queen B. strike that, I was Queen B. #yamanainteverseenabootylikethis

it was awesome. 

it was recklessly fun. 

it was horrifyingly hilarious when I backed into a guy patiently waiting to grab a box of poptarts. I silently cursed whomever invented earbuds, blaming them for my irrational need for loud, heart-pounding volumes; clearly not conducive to hearing a fellow Meijer customer's approach. 

my flushed from agonizing-embarrassment cheeks could've started a forest fire, until I realized cool-guy was amused and laughed with me, not at me. 

"don't stop on my account. you just missed my performance in aisle 9."

faith in humanity restored.