I uh, have a umm...perk problem. MI has had thirty-four days of vaccine perks and as lame as it sounds…
I miss my mask. 😷
but crazily enough, not for COVID hygienic/prevention reasons.
*embarrassed sigh*
apparently, during the 14 months of Meijer masking, I developed a few unacceptable... behaviors. 👀
behavior #1: lip-syncing lyrics to my various super awesome playlists (*gasp* I should make one Meijer Superstore Playlist to rule them all!! muahahaha!)
turns out, the mask brought out the inner Lip-Sync Battle contestant in me; without having to hire backup singers, make a quick costume change, or hours of choreography sessions. 14 months of mask-wearing has created, enabled, and maintained this behavior: mask on --> air pods in --> playlist start --> lip-sync begin.
now, during my 20-40 minute mask-free shopping experience, I will catch myself repeatedly (like, 5 or 6 times!), and openly—for all the world to see—silent-mouth lyrics. 🥴 #suchcringe
and there is no way I can pull off the pretend-scenario that I'm reading a label. mouth-reading and mouth-lyric-ing, pffft -- totally different. no sane Meijer customer reads to the beat while pushing a cart. #justsayin'
behavior #2: instant/knee-jerk facial expression reactions at all the bizarro I witness. this is more frustrating than embarrassing for me. twenty-years of Meijer-crazy stoic-expression practice down the drain; in 14 months!
for over a year now, my mask has been my crutch, the barrier that hid my horror, disgust, or ennui of the crazies. it feels like my professional objectivity, non-interference prime directive has taken a nose-dive. no longer can I objectively watch/record natural habitat behavior like the greats: Attenborough, Cousteau, and Irwin. 🥺
and there's the flip side of the above problem; the smiling(!).
all. the. time.
there's still a side of me that is so happy/thrilled/elated that public mask mandates are gone, that when I'm not witnessing bizarro, I smile. if I'm not careful, my mask-free-vaccinated-perky smile might do permanent muscle damage. not joke(r)ing. #jokersmile #whysoserious
🤔
*shudders at possible fate*
*restocks car with masks*
