"more "empty-shelves-at-a-grocery-store" pics? *yawn*"
NOPE!
well, maybe one... zoom in on that 10 for $10 sale sign, go ahead, I'll wait...
I promise you, I sly-scanned every cart that came within the decreed "that's close enough" 6 feet of me, but I could not find Mr(s). Broccoli Crown Hoarder.
however, zoom in a bit more, see white-stripe joggers dude? he is what we call in the Pandemic Insanity biz, "amateur." you come to the superstore to play hoarder hardball and you pre-fill one cart with humans?! *riotous laughter that ends with COVID-19 wheeze*
unlike the amateur superstore shoppers, I had a plan, a list, and an empty cart. #PandemicAftermath101
here's my list:
protein food
dairy food
produce food
my list is so brilliant, even Sun Tzu would be impressed! that list is the epitome of a couple of massively important war concepts:
war plan vs. realities of war
premise of adaptation aka, rolling-with-the-punches
clearly I took that pic in the superstore's produce section, and when a quick google search for "citron turnip breadfruit recipes" came back with zilch, *agape shock!* I moved on to the top of my list, protein food.
I turn the corner from produce area into meat section, I stop, and utter this word, "keto."
suddenly all of southeast MI is keto?! I'm staring at the only package of beef stomach tripe, I can't help but wonder; were there more tripes? I envision a multi-Meijer-Crazies tripe fight, but then in my IRL peripheral vision, I see a broken jar of pigs feet on the floor with it's protective yellow "slippery when wet" cone guarding the kinda-sorta-homicidal scene.
wincing, I type in google's search field, how to cook... I mutter, "and not vomit,"
t-r-i-- I can't do it. I completely wuss-out on a google search. now-- now I'm feeling it. that feeling of panic, the "what's for dinner?!" discomfort/inner-dread.
I remind myself that 2 out of 3 foods on my brilliant list were fails. I MUST come through in the dairy section. I'm not walking anymore, I'm fast-walking. the clickety-clack of that bad front wheel on the cart is whirring an urgent hum; daaaaaaiiiirrrrryyyyyy!
I skid to a stop in front of that massive wall of refrigerator doors--
side note: as I think back on it, I should've tilted the camera to my face and taken a "how-do-I-bring-home-6-pint-bottles-of-buttermilk-to-my-loved-ones" selfie. #onedayyoulllookbackandlaughmoment
my empty cart's wheel is just annoying-squeaking now as I crumple my stupid, unbrilliant list in my hand.
still, there's a tiny part of me that refuses to give in; even as I walk passed aisle after empty aisle. I refuse to be beaten by the lack of google's recipe genius! I refuse to believe that I have to put stomach into my... stomach(!), and I refuse to believe that Sun Tzu didn't prepare me for everything war could throw my way.
two
but-- that's when the metaphorical lightbulb flipped on in my head. this time I did raise my camera and took these pics while muttering...
"fruit pies. produce food."
"peanut butter ice cream. protein food."
and then, I glanced to my right, and the rest of the wall of frozen-miracles lit up. in awe, I whispered: "multi-colored, artificial-flavored ice cream. dairy food!"
it was as if Sun Tzu guided me to a rainbow, symbolic with a promise that I wouldn't lose this hoarder's battle, that it will all workout.
well, eating that much ice cream means I'll have to workout, but hey, this is war!
