Monday, November 28, 2005

Meijer and the Privacy Act

thus far I have signed about 43 million of these "privacy act" forms. doctors, pediatricians, ob-gyn, ear/nose/throat specialist, allergist, bank, credit union, credit card, brokerage firms, insurance(s), and of course, Meijer.

"a grocery store?" you ask in a shocked-italicized tone?


you see, because I am at Meijer every week I take advantage of the pharmacy section of the gi-normous store. I'm suddenly realizing that there are sections of Meijer that I haven't yet ventured to. the section dedicated to plant's crockery comes to mind. as does the assemble-yourself outdoor/indoor furniture section. come to think of it, I really don't hang around the camoflauge area too much (I'm more of a kelly-green gal, olive-green makes me look sallow).

so, Meijer pharmacy requires me to sign a privacy act form. I think the long and the short of these forms basically say that I'm allowed some privacy. okay, so in order to comply with the privacy act, Meijer has made some changes to the pharmacy area of the store. there are now "velvet rope" barriers (only they aren't velvet, they are nylon retractable things) that stand about 2.5 feet away from the counter with signs indicating that to insure privacy, I am not to approach the counter until I am called over. personally, I see a whole deli counter scenario coming on, but as I've said before, I'm a protocol obeying customer. if congress has declared an act about privacy, I'll play nicely.

as a matter of fact, I'm all for privacy, I'm a private person! for example, when I see friends/neighbors at Meijer, I never scan the contents of their cart. Sweet-little-mother-of-two neighbor that lives around the corner could have four cases of Absolut with a side of flavored condoms in her navy-blue metal cart and I wouldn't know it.

so all I'm asking is this, if I play by the privacy rules is it wrong for me to expect other Meijer patrons to do the same? the correct answer is...

one of my youngsters got an ear infection (I believe the pediatrician called it a raging infection). soon enough I find myself standing the required 2.5 feet behind the nylon retractable thing, waiting to catch the eye of a licensed pharmacist or the almost-licensed-lackey. after the appropriate Meijer make-the-customer-wait-time of 3 to 7 minutes, I'm waved over to the counter.

the lab coat attired lackey brings me my amoxicillin, and tells me it's indeed amoxicillin and how to dispense the med. suddenly, out of nowhere to my right I hear, "the name's dillon, I need to pick up my prescriptions." instantly the long arm of the law comes down on the poor fool. the lab coat lackey, whom I have obviously underestimated, half-shouts, "sir, you have not been called to the counter, go back behind the barrier! You are violating the privacy act!" perhaps because the lackey looked like he was approaching 16 and mr. dillon looked like he chewed up and spat out 16 year olds in WWI and WWII, he didn't even bat an eye. "I don't give a rat's a-- about this woman's amoxicillin, I don't care that she gives it twice a day and I don't give a sh-- if she has to refrigerate it!"

so here I am evaluating the score. i'm pretty sure that it's the privacy act that was bested by a Meijer crazy, not necessarily me...tough one to call.

Meijer crazies= 2.0 traci= 2.5 congress= 0

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