Wednesday, July 06, 2016

Meijer and the ultra superstore


that's the number of steps I took today inside the superstore while looking for milk, goggles, fish filets, eggs, white-flesh nectarines, green onions and a bag of baby carrots. is it me, or does that seem like excessive stepping for 7 grocery items? especially when 3 of the items are hidden in the same produce area.

somehow, my previously narrow-aisled, cramped from inventory, so everything is an arm's length away superstore has expanded, enlarged and (dare I say?), roomier-ed up. (I dared!)

walking around the new enormity of it all, I flashbacked to a Harry Potter moment at the Quidditch World Cup; Harry steps inside the Weasley's crappy looking tent to discover the inside was a ginormous Restoration Hardware glamping fantasy. (btw, if I were a Weasley, I'd ditch the cramped house and live the tent life 24/7)

that's when it occurred to me. this makeover isn't about applying a fresh layer of Marsha concealer to Jan's hideous blemishes. no, the superstore is transforming.

Meijer is supersizing the superstore! 

"that's impossible!" you indignantly exclaim. 


or maybe not.

maybe the uptick in grocery shopping step-count is due to my unfamiliarity with the new (constantly changing) layout. maybe this sign is part of the problem...

my unwavering trust in all things inkjet pointed me not to MORE GROCERY, but to hard-hat construction workers and several empty, not-working-yet refrigerator systems. (300+ steps shot to he**).

these two didn't bolster my fading faith in the color paper signage...

the grammar curveballs that Meijer throws kill me and my step stats! (hey, batter, batter... sa-wiiing batter!) I took several (100+) unnecessary steps because I couldn't decide if I wanted new meat (to the right), or old meat (to the left). I ended up circling back to the MORE GROCERY THIS WAY sign and stumbled upon a refrigerator of packaged, undisclosed-age, cod fish filets. #ageismstruggles

ALL CAPS signage debacle aside, I'm convinced the real step-count culprit was the goggles search. my cross-country walk across the supersized superstore to the sporting section proved to be futile. the, I-need-a-marathon-water-station jaunt to the outdoor section was also pointless. my zig-zag (in hindsight, I should've zag-zigged) into seasonal, nope. 

the correct answer/aisle?


really?! Speedo's Official Olympic Competition Race goggles hang out with the Finding Dory bath squirt toys? *overt eyeroll*

I'm calling it. my Meijer is being transformed into a supersized superstore. still unsure if this solves the Jan problem, or just bloats it. *cue nausea* 

if nothing else, at the end of this transformation we may end up with the best indoor walking trail in southeast michigan... 

*gasp at sudden thought* 

I can finally/legitimately order this sticker for my car's back window! #supersizeultrabonus

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