Meijer and the not-quite season

if you are lucky enough to live in NYC, you have access to a pretty amazing tradition; Christmas window displays. 

represented are the 3 Bs: Barneys, Bloomingdale's, and Bergdof Goodman. with of course, Saks, Macy's, Lord & Taylor's and... Tiffany's! *gasp + moan + jaw drop* 

these window displays are a year of prep--no, seriously. for these brilliant window designers and staff, Christmas season is all year long! #lucky

this is silly, and maybe even a little sad, but starting October 15th, I avoid the supersize-superstore for as long as possible. 

why?

because I have this yearly "Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus," hope that when the glass airlock doors whoosh open sometime in November, I will be greeted with a wintry-wonderland of whimsy, over the top make-over dedicated to the greatest season of the year, Christmas!

look, I'm an optimistic realist, so I keep my expectations in check. all I ask for is: 

1. a holiday season soundtrack featuring the greats: Bing Crosby & David Bowie's Little Drummer Boy, Frank Sinatra and fill-in-the-blank-artist, singing fill-in-the-blank-Christmas song, Nat King Cole singing any and every Christmas jingle, and Wham!'s Last Christmas, on loop over Meijer's sound system. 

2. a general upping of their game in the supersized-superstore departments (grocery, pharmacy, clothes, outdoor, pets, etc.). maybe fall somewhere between NYC's dripping grandeur, and the night Buddy the Elf prepped Gimbels for SANTA!!!

too much...? 

to ask?

apparently so, *resigned sigh* because this is what I discovered when I walked in to my midwest Meijer today... 



sure, I acknowledge the oversized cardboard "ornaments" hanging-from-the-rafters effort--but this is the entrance(!) for crying out loud! and by the way, the ornaments are hanging over the garbage bin, rake and leaf bag displays, with a side of punkin pie! #seasonmashupfail

I walked deeper into the store, came upon these beauties as I walked passed the plus-size women's department.


better, but is this all a I'm-so-in-the-Christmas-mood customer gets? 

I rallied on, maybe the west-side staff are die hard Thanksgiving fans. I cross my fingers, hoping the east-siders have got their Jingle game on. 

alas... produce department offered this conundrum, cavity/weight-gain culprit soda in the fresh fruit and veggies section? wha--?!

I rethink my incongruent criticism, I mean, what if this is it? what if this is the best Meijer has to offer me this year?! the sugar-bubblewater display does somewhat cleverly use the beloved Christmas colors, and has a "tree." (feels like cardboard is becoming a Meijer theme) I feel my Christmas cheer-o-meter sink. 

I walked all over the store, hoping against hope that other departments had more to offer. then it occurred to me, have I jumped the Christmas season store-display gun...? and then... proof.

empty shelves and a trolley of Lindt boxes waiting to be emptied. it's like I was just hours too early! *clenches fist, waves it at ceiling security cameras*

side note: "C  HRISTMAS"? I'm guessing whoever wrote this also wrote these signs. 

and that's when I knew. this isn't NYC. this isn't Saks--not even close. and it isn't time for Christmas (or even C hristmas), I was a victim of my own Christmas premature-adoration.  

but it's okay. it's all good. I won't let Meijer squelch my cheer, my seasonal smile, my goodwill to mankind. 

I have the perfect revenge reply to Meijer's slow-to-the-season, paltry decor. an act of Jingle Defiance, if you will, a way to get everyone to feel the Christmas spirit...



pah-rum-pum-pum-pum, baby.