Meijer and the quickie

not trying to double entendre the title y'all, just a quick post about a short line.

we all have the same fantasy, right? you have to return something at Meijer, let's say... an air-vent phone mount. (← specific details = literary magic 🤩) you hope, fantasize, manifest, and visualize that this time, today your jaunt into Customer Service Land will be quick, an in-and-out, wham, bam, thank you for the refund, ma'am scenario. #🤞🏼

I turn into the Customer Service section, aka the cubby of weirdness. this "enclave," in every Meijer store, is walled with a claw machine game (how do they get all the stuffed creatures to face the glass--eyes agog?!), a redbox dispenser (really people, still?!), lottery vending machine, carpet cleaner rentals--and it never fails--an 😠 mom who simultaneously berates and spoils their child with their classic smoker/drinker/laryngitis outside bark voice.

"Which color lottery ticket do you want?! I SAID DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING!!"

can't believe my luck(!), only 1 customer talking to the solo Meijer associate behind the desk and required hanging Covid-will-never-get-around-this-plastic barrier, and only 1 person in line!

I slide into line, a quick glance at the Meijer associate--oh yeah, she's a veteran, she'll have this lady's macrame throw pillow refunded in a NY minute. the receipt isn't even finished printing and Meijer Vet nods for the ponytail 20-something in front of me, holding 2 bags of groceries to step-up. I'm next up, baby! an impromptu jingle bounces around my thoughts "a quickie, a quickie; I scored a Meijer quickie!" 

mingled with the jingle, a faint, familiar You're-Going-to-Get-Screwed-by-Meijer siren. I ignore it as I eagerly step up, just 6' Covid-can't-catch-me away from 20-something lady, when this hits:

"she's already finished shopping. why is she here?"

buy stamps? 
buy a fill-in-the-bubble lottery ticket? 
speak to the manager to compliment the staff? #🤣 

Mommy Dearest's volume leaves the enclave, I lean in closer hoping 20-something just needs directions to the entrance/exit bathroom...

"hey, I just got a text, my friends want to meet me for a movie. I need to return these, I don't want them sitting in my car getting warm."

while I'm brain aneurysm-ing over 20-something's request 👀 😯 😳 😒 🤨 🤯 😡 😖 😩, Meijer Vet doesn't even blink. my quickie jingle dissipates into a dirge. 

true to her pro-self, Meijer Vet calmly nods me to her left when she scans the last two pounds of ground beef, tears off the receipt, and hands it to the 20-something speed texting. 20-something doesn't even glance up, but tosses out this half-hearted promise,

"I'll be back later to buy them again."

my jaw still dropped, Meijer Vet quickly scans my return, nods to the person behind me to step-up to her right, hands off my receipt, half-smiles at my stunned expression, and says, "thank you for your patience." 

I nod, thank her, and mentally 🙇🏻‍♀️ to the #QUEEN