I set my cup of hot chocolate down on the petit Parisian-like table, and basque in the perfect 72F degree climate.
I smile politely at the local épicier, busily arranging the Idaho potato bags, and take in the view; another vain attempt, as I searched the distance for the iconic dome of the Grand Palais-- oh! is that it there...? alas, no. just the top of a hanging cardboard Christmas "decoration." more's the pity...
it's Christmas Eve. I sit in the Starbucks corner (aesthetically defined by the meeting of differing flooring--dark faux-wood meets glossed faux-marble), and surprisingly, all is calm, all is bright.
when the strange quietness--no, emptiness-- of Christmas-Eve-Meijer kicked in, I took this pic. I realized that my 2 previous Christmas Eve visits to the superstore--8:27am, and 12:02pm--mirrored this 3:42pm experience exactly (ended Christmas Eve with a record 4 trips to Meijer(!) #PR🥇).
pardon my French, but... what the single-syllable-swear-word is going on? this is Christmas Eve, this place should be hopping with Meijer holiday-season frenetic crazies!
maybe everyone is on vacation? or to beat the expected crowds, the crazies shopped in the wee hours of the morn? is it possible that all the crazies got their collective acts together, thus no last-minute panic shop...?
I sip my chocolate again, reviewing the day's earlier visits. frustrated, I shake my head. nope; not a single blog-worthy observation, anecdote, nor full-blown psychotic event comes to mind.
my hopeful eye catches a shopper wandering closer to me.
"finally!" I mutter. my mind super-focuses on her facial expression, her mostly-full cart--anything to justify a Christmas Eve 2018 post--I noted the bag of pistachios she grabbed, I cringed at her seafoam green (not Christmas🎄green?) t-shirt, then cocked my head, befuddled, when she lifted a barcode scanner, and scanned the pistachios... huh?
💡! the empty store, and hence, a lack of blog material, suddenly made sense.
no, the crazies weren't on vacation.
no, they didn't get up and shop early.
and no, they didn't have their act together!
I had a brief sense of relief that my years of holiday fiasco Meijer blogging hadn't been turned upside down--the Christmas crazies still existed(!). #phew
but, within a nanosecond, a crushing/crashing reality obliterated that relief, and a new reality flashed before my almost-Christmas-🎄-green eyes. I low-whispered the name of my new nemesis, aaaand (serendipitously), my new swear word--
"shipt!"
Meijer's Christmas Eve ghost town, and perhaps the downfall of The Meijer Chronicles, happened because everyone bought their wants/needs online!
everyone was outside, parked in their cozy cars, away from my prying eyes, and eavesdropping ears, just hanging out until their shipt shopper brought them their goods.
I leapt to my feet, frantic. I walked through produce hoping my fears were wrong, I pass through meat, another shipt shopper scans a package of bacon-- my new swear word forced itself through my clenched teeth.
"shipt!"
fast-walking now, I scan aisles--another shipt shopper grabs a can of olives-- three aisles away, 2 more shipt shoppers; paper towels, and paper plates!
"shipt, shipt, shipt!"
feeling dizzy, and heart-sick over the demise of my 13 years of Meijer posts, I grab items on my now third grocery-run list: cream cheese, rolls, and I impulse-buy a carton of eggnog--you know, something to drown my sorrow while I u-scan. #guzzle #nostraw
my turn at the u-scan. I'm so distraught, that I forgot that sucking down a cup of eggnog before scanning means the weight is off. the happy Christmas 🎄 green light, switches to stop-sign red (not Christmas ornament red).
my eyes roll to the back of my head. I turn to find the SoP (Steward of the Podium). she's working on another u-scan next to me. SoP sees my red light, throws her hands up in the air, walks backwards away from both of our flashing red lights, and says,
"I am not dealin' with this no more," as she walked away.
pretty sure the red light made my eggnoggy smile look psychotic, as I exhaled my relief and mumbled,
"holy shipt, I'm back in business."
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