u-scan screen: "are you using your own bag?" screen displays I'm using my own bag button.
me: index finger tap.
u-scan screen: I'm using my own bag. (again)
me: index finger jab/tap.
u-scan screen: I'm using my own bag. (AGAIN)
me: middle finger jab twist, followed up with verbal, "what the?!"
u-scan screen: picture of purse, keys, and red arrows pointing up and out, "please remove items from bagging area."
me: trying to get the attention of the u-scan lackey, while explaining to the u-scan, "I want to use my own bag!"
u-scan screen: "please wait for attendant." green light above touch screen now turns to DEFCON red.
me: trying to get the attention of the "attendant" chatting up another u-scan customer about the amazing technology advances in the grocery industry. I turn back to the screen in exasperation as it loops through its message for the 6th time, "please wait for attendant."
foreshadowing note: should I ever completely lose "it," please use this blog to prove that Meijer is the culprit and should pay for a live-in nurse to change my adult diapers.
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Thursday, March 05, 2009
Meijer and the top 5
after years of observation, and a few days of thought, I've created my top 5 Meijer Associate Employment Choices:
5. cashier-yeah, don't be deceived by the "beauty" aspect of cashier employment: scan items, chit chat, talk on the phone, take money, and they don't have to walk around a whole lot. there is an "ugly" side: bagging, chit chatting with a Meijer crazy, union boss, and they don't get to walk around a whole lot. but I think the pay is good, at least better than jobs 6-10 that didn't even make the list.
4. tzar-again appearances can be deceiving. sure it looks like you rake in the BIG money just wandering around all day laughing on your Meijer issue cell phone, but what happens when the power goes out (been there, done that, twice) and the wheels of technological grocery-dom come screeching to a halt? that's right...firing squad for the tzar!
3. greeter-this would be my #2 winner if I was about 20 years older. I'm not quite mentally prepared for this mind numbing gig, but on the other hand you collect a paycheck for standing around and mumbling, "welcometoMeijer" or "thankyouforshoppingatMeijer."
2. stock-see now this appeals to me. as a stock person, you take up as much room as you want in an aisle, in frozen foods you get to wear gloves, you can whistle, talk on your phone, smile (or not) at customers, and often you are the hero, "oh thank you for bringing out a new case of frozen concentrate orange juice! I could only find the fresh stuff!"
1. Pat-this has to be it. the best job in the whole store. no, not being a genderless human, but being the eyes of Meijer, the law, the free spirit. you wander around the store seemingly engrossed by the ingredient list of butter, while stealthily watching the chronic "taster" pilfering the bin of bulk gummy bears.
as scary as the above top 5 are, the scariest is the possible reality that with this economy, my full-time mom status may switch to a full-time Pat status.
cue shivers...and empty your gummy bear filled pockets.
5. cashier-yeah, don't be deceived by the "beauty" aspect of cashier employment: scan items, chit chat, talk on the phone, take money, and they don't have to walk around a whole lot. there is an "ugly" side: bagging, chit chatting with a Meijer crazy, union boss, and they don't get to walk around a whole lot. but I think the pay is good, at least better than jobs 6-10 that didn't even make the list.
4. tzar-again appearances can be deceiving. sure it looks like you rake in the BIG money just wandering around all day laughing on your Meijer issue cell phone, but what happens when the power goes out (been there, done that, twice) and the wheels of technological grocery-dom come screeching to a halt? that's right...firing squad for the tzar!
3. greeter-this would be my #2 winner if I was about 20 years older. I'm not quite mentally prepared for this mind numbing gig, but on the other hand you collect a paycheck for standing around and mumbling, "welcometoMeijer" or "thankyouforshoppingatMeijer."
2. stock-see now this appeals to me. as a stock person, you take up as much room as you want in an aisle, in frozen foods you get to wear gloves, you can whistle, talk on your phone, smile (or not) at customers, and often you are the hero, "oh thank you for bringing out a new case of frozen concentrate orange juice! I could only find the fresh stuff!"
1. Pat-this has to be it. the best job in the whole store. no, not being a genderless human, but being the eyes of Meijer, the law, the free spirit. you wander around the store seemingly engrossed by the ingredient list of butter, while stealthily watching the chronic "taster" pilfering the bin of bulk gummy bears.
as scary as the above top 5 are, the scariest is the possible reality that with this economy, my full-time mom status may switch to a full-time Pat status.
cue shivers...and empty your gummy bear filled pockets.
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